Prosecutor Angst
by Timcampy-chan
Summary: Edgeworth's feeling cranky and pubescent today, and he doesn't know why. It's a Potter Puppet Pals parody! No pairings intended. Rated T for randomness, exploding puppets, and spirit mediums that insert disturbing theories into the script.


This is dedicated to Neil and Emmy C., the amazing creators of Potter Puppet Pals, without which I would never have gotten the inspiration for this insane parody crackfic of cracked-up parodic insanity.

Disclaimer time! Timcampy-chan does not own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney or Potter Puppet Pals or Harry Potter or the Potter Puppet Pals episode, "Wizard Angst".

Now, ON WITH THE FIC! And it's censored for your health and modified from its original version to fit your television--er, keep you sane. I apologize for any loss of brain cells, but I am not responsible for it, so read at your own risk.

* * *

The all-too-familiar music began to play... 

On stage, a sign popped up, literally. Hey, where else does everything come from in a puppet show?

Hastily written in black sharpie on the sign were the words, "Maya Fey Presents...". It sank down under the stage and was followed by a clearer sign:

"Prosecutor Angst".

This sign disappeared as the music ceased as suddenly as it begun. Appearing next was an unusually detailed puppet of a certain prosecutor...

"I feel cranky and pubescent today, and I don't know why!" said Puppet Edgeworth, rather, the puppeteer who was controlling him, in an imitation of the real Miles Edgeworth's voice. "Especially considering the fact that I'm 24 years old and past puberty." Puppet Edgeworth growled. "I'm going to take it out on people I like!"

No sooner had Puppet Edgeworth stopped talking did another puppet appear beside him.

"Hello, Edgeworth!" piped Puppet Wright, wearing a puppet-sized suit. "What sort of tomfoolery shall we get up to today?"

"No tomfoolery today, Wright!" replied Puppet Edgeworth angrily. "I'm sick of your dreadful spiky head!"

"...Why must you hurt me in this way, Edgeworth...?" asked Puppet Wright, on the verge of tears (as much as a puppet can be, anyway).

"Yeah, what's your problem, Mr. Edgeworth?!" chided a puppet likeness of Maya Fey, apparently more skillfully made than the other two puppets.

"My father is dead, my life sucks, I can't hold down a girlfriend---"

"KIIIYAAANNNCCEEEE!!!" came a scream from somewhere off-stage.

"--and I'm surrounded by -bleep!-ing creepy old people and -bleep!- all the time. I mean, what the -bleep!-"

"B-but that's how the court system works Edgeworth! She was a witness!" stuttered Puppet Wright.

"But I still have nightmares about that Oldbag lady doing _things _to me every night!" retorted Puppet Edgeworth, shuddering (most likely to his puppeteer tripping over something offstage). "I can't take it anymore! I. QUIT. LAW!"

"But what about von Karma?" asked Puppet Maya.

"Fine," said Puppet Edgeworth, turning to Puppet Wright. "It's all up to you now, Wright! You're von Karma's -bleep!- now!"

"B-b-b-but NUUUU!!" pleaded Puppet Wright, shaking.

Puppet Edgeworth shoved Puppet Wright towards Puppet von Karma. "Come on, now, go see him!"

Puppet von Karma turned to see Puppet Wright before him. "Hello, little child!" he said, in a very creepy voice (because we all know why he really took poor little Edgey in).

All Puppet Wright could do was quiver in fear.

"You want a piece of me? What?!" threatened Puppet von Karma, brandishing his stun gun OF DOOM.

"N-n-no sir!!" wailed Puppet Wright, running (how do puppets run?) away as fast as his plush body could take him.

"Yeah, you run away, kid!" called Puppet von Karma after him.

"I can't do it!" he cried, once with Puppet Maya.

"You tried your best, Nick," she said, comforting him.

"What's Edgeworth doing?" he asked, as they both turned to stare at Puppet Edgeworth, who was banging his head on the far right boundary of the stage.

"Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst. Angst..."

"He's a little off today." She turned to Puppet Wright. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Maybe he's in love!" he suggested.

"Who'd fall in love with such an a--" began Puppet Maya, only to be interrupted by the puppet defense attorney moving in front of her.

"Maybe he needs a hug!" he said joyfully.

Finally turning away from his angst-session, Puppet Edgeworth whipped his head around and shouted, "I don't want a hug!"

"Give me a hug, Edgeworth!" he insisted.

"NO!"

Ignoring his friend's objections, he tackle-glomped him. "Hugging!"

"I'LL WOUND YOU!" yelled Puppet Edgeworth, attacking his fellow lawyer and engaging in an ultra-violent lawyer fight (aka sissy slap fight).

From stage left entered a puppet of the judge, with a nose that was unusually large..."What is this rumpus?" Puppet Judge asked in an obnoxiously nasally voice.

"Edgeworth hit me!" sobbed Puppet Wright.

The prosecutor glared at the defense attorney. "Wright invaded my personal bubble!"

"Methinks some severe punishment is in order here..."

"Oh no...!" the two lawyers said quietly, in unison.

Insert an extremely violent threat here.

"OBJECTION!!" cried the two puppets...and Puppet Judge's head exploded. "HOORAY!!!"

Suddenly, a second puppet, clothed in a miniature green trenchcoat, entered from stage left. "Woohoo! That was awesome, pals!" he exclaimed.

"Thanks, Gumshoe!"

Puppet Gumshoe turned to Puppet Edgeworth. "Are you over that prosecutor angst, Mr. Edgeworth?"

He nodded. "I think I can appreciate life a whole lot more now!"

Puppet Maya, who had mysteriously disappeared 30 seconds ago, re-entered and stared at the cloth fragments scattered over the stage. "Eeew, what's that?" she asked, disgusted.

"Why," said Puppet Wright, "it's the judge's greatest verdict of all..."

"BWAHAAAHAAHAHAHAHA!!" they all laughed...

...and for some reason, Puppet Gumshoe flew away.

All were silent.

"...everyone make a wish..." whispered Puppet Edgeworth.

The curtains fell and a "The End" sign was held up, and the puppet show came to a much anticipated close.

----

"...Maya?" started Phoenix, a look of horror plainly upon his face.

"Yeah, Nick?" she cheerfully asked the sole member of the audience, her head popping up from behind the stage.

"I...I think that you need mental help. Preferably really good mental help."

* * *

Well, that was pretty insane. I wasn't sure if I should have put this up or not...I'm a little scared of the reviews I'll get... 

Thanks for reading and please review.


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